No sleep

Sometimes I can't fall asleep at night. I lay in bed wrapped in Rastaman's arms with my eyes closed and think away. I blink sleepy, and while I get used to the dark in the room, the shadows and objects take funny shapes that scare me. But then I feel his heat on my back and I feel safe.
I slide slowly from his melting embrace and sit on my chair with my feet on the table and my knees to my head. I roll a cigarette slowly and light it. I love the colour it takes in the dark. I pull the curtains a bit and look outside. It's sometimes so foggy and cold that it makes me shiver. I smoke while I listen to my lover's rhythmic breath. And I get so calm and peaceful, it's just as if time stood still. I'm here, a glance in the late night, ripped apart from all the rest of the world. I listen to songs in my head while I get slowly cold because of my bare feet.
My hands feel numb and my head so heavy... I wonder where I'll be tomorrow.
I wonder, even now, after so much time, how did this happen. I thought that I knew what some things are but I now realise I didn't. Life with Rastaman doesn't respect plans and schedules. It always kinda slips away in an unexpected way, only to find me smiling while admiring his loving face. I didn't know a lot although I thought I did.
He teaches me so much without even knowing it. I learned that love is good. It's calm and supporting. It's reliable and kind. At the same time, love is passionate. Even now, it still feels as if we make love for the first time. I get the goose bumps when he's kissing my neck. I get lost in my emotions as our naked bodies touch. I didn't imagine anything like this. I might have known a few fellas, but none of them took me for a walk on this side of town. And while I grew sure relationships get boring and dull, this just seems to get better and better.
I feel listened to, I feel cared for, I feel trusted and respected. I feel blessed. Everyday nonsense gets me down, but his way of speaking makes me understand how pointless my sadness is. He takes care of me with so much love that I feel amazed. And as I find myself surprised every now and then by his way, and whisper 'I love you', he smiles cheeky and says 'I love you too darling'.