http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygixHP7vUtI&feature=related
Even if this may sound familiar, I've just spent two magnificent days with Rastaman. Baby, you rock my world! This is creepy. Not only doesn't he fit in the jerk image I had, he is better than I could have expected! He just gives me the good vibe. On and on and on.
He is true and he indeed is here and yes, he has the hottest ass on this planet! And the most perfect (if there is such thing) eyes. And softest, biggest lips I've ever kissed. And his cocoa butter smell... mmmm!
I just feel him here and it makes me shiver!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
I guess this is growing up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUq_gBa_8iQ
I have the feeling Mr.DJ will be out of my life soon. I don't want that, but I feel this is what will happen because it will help him get over me. I told him all the truth.
I told him I started meeting Rastaman when I still didn't clarify the fact we weren't dating. I told him that I realise it's wrong and I don't want to lie to him. Because he became my best friend here and you don't lie to a friend. Even though it hurts, the truth has to be told, that's what friends are for. And by coincidence I was both in the role of a friend and an ex for him. So I had to get in the friend's role. Because this is what I promised him I will do.
Of course this meant to admit my fault entirely. And I did it knowing it's not going to do me any good, but I did it because I want him to make the right decision for him, knowing the whole truth and because I don't want to build a friendship on a lie. That's wrong and selfish.
But I hope he remembers I promised I will always be there for talking to him, no matter time and place.
He seemed he said goodbye to my room when he left earlier.
I have the feeling Mr.DJ will be out of my life soon. I don't want that, but I feel this is what will happen because it will help him get over me. I told him all the truth.
I told him I started meeting Rastaman when I still didn't clarify the fact we weren't dating. I told him that I realise it's wrong and I don't want to lie to him. Because he became my best friend here and you don't lie to a friend. Even though it hurts, the truth has to be told, that's what friends are for. And by coincidence I was both in the role of a friend and an ex for him. So I had to get in the friend's role. Because this is what I promised him I will do.
Of course this meant to admit my fault entirely. And I did it knowing it's not going to do me any good, but I did it because I want him to make the right decision for him, knowing the whole truth and because I don't want to build a friendship on a lie. That's wrong and selfish.
But I hope he remembers I promised I will always be there for talking to him, no matter time and place.
He seemed he said goodbye to my room when he left earlier.
Friday, December 4, 2009
He feels amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esdl_3kKSBk
Sweet, sweet, sweet Rastaman makes me smile to myself again. We spent two days in my room and it didn't feel odd for a second! Oh, I can see him opening doors inside, I can see him even now, holding my head in his hands when I had a headache. He caressed my hair and kissed my hands and lips and I felt he belonged there. The picture gets complete again and the shadow got a shape. I think I say silly stuff when I'm happy, I think maybe they don't sound as interesting like the bad turn-offs. Still, he's bringing calm again. He's making me blush. Remember how you blushed the first time a guy smiled to you? It's worse. I get all red, till the top of my ears, when he's telling me I'm a great cook. I lose my senses when he lifts me up and holds me close, with the wall behind me. I glance through my eyelashes to see his muscles tense, while he's laying his head on my shoulder and whispers. I admire him in my mind every time he comes and helps without me ever asking for it. I like how he holds me when we go to sleep. I feel cared for.
I am so surprised when I find out things I like about him; one after the other, charmed small secrets jump out. He makes me wonder if this is all real. He is shining more and more every day and his deep, thrilling smell fills my empty moments. He's fascinating. For one thing, we have very smart talks and he's showing me something new every day. It's so nice how only when he stays over, I go to sleep at 3, wake up at 8 and feel great the whole day without coffee. This morning, I got the feeling he's the most amazing guy I've ever met. My name is purple. His is red. And Pulp Fiction is scarlet and yellow. :) Come on, Maya, you know this one :P
So how, from all the people around, we met and we ended up kissing while the sun is coming out?
I told him I don't trust him because he seems like a player. His response was: "Baby, I promise I won't hurt you. It's not my intention". I told him I was afraid and I didn't know if I'm doing myself good in meeting him. And today, before he left, he looked at me with worried eyes and asked if he could text me tomorrow. And if I wanted to meet in the week-end.
Sweet, sweet, sweet Rastaman, of course you can!
Sweet, sweet, sweet Rastaman makes me smile to myself again. We spent two days in my room and it didn't feel odd for a second! Oh, I can see him opening doors inside, I can see him even now, holding my head in his hands when I had a headache. He caressed my hair and kissed my hands and lips and I felt he belonged there. The picture gets complete again and the shadow got a shape. I think I say silly stuff when I'm happy, I think maybe they don't sound as interesting like the bad turn-offs. Still, he's bringing calm again. He's making me blush. Remember how you blushed the first time a guy smiled to you? It's worse. I get all red, till the top of my ears, when he's telling me I'm a great cook. I lose my senses when he lifts me up and holds me close, with the wall behind me. I glance through my eyelashes to see his muscles tense, while he's laying his head on my shoulder and whispers. I admire him in my mind every time he comes and helps without me ever asking for it. I like how he holds me when we go to sleep. I feel cared for.
I am so surprised when I find out things I like about him; one after the other, charmed small secrets jump out. He makes me wonder if this is all real. He is shining more and more every day and his deep, thrilling smell fills my empty moments. He's fascinating. For one thing, we have very smart talks and he's showing me something new every day. It's so nice how only when he stays over, I go to sleep at 3, wake up at 8 and feel great the whole day without coffee. This morning, I got the feeling he's the most amazing guy I've ever met. My name is purple. His is red. And Pulp Fiction is scarlet and yellow. :) Come on, Maya, you know this one :P
So how, from all the people around, we met and we ended up kissing while the sun is coming out?
I told him I don't trust him because he seems like a player. His response was: "Baby, I promise I won't hurt you. It's not my intention". I told him I was afraid and I didn't know if I'm doing myself good in meeting him. And today, before he left, he looked at me with worried eyes and asked if he could text me tomorrow. And if I wanted to meet in the week-end.
Sweet, sweet, sweet Rastaman, of course you can!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Leather
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97nbaU1HgCY&feature=related
I'll get back to my leather skirt and go running away from all the world I know. I'll run as fast as I can and no pain will catch up with me, because I will be faster, I will have a gold shield and a silver sword to fight it. And I will fly away on my duvet. It will take me over the sun and clouds, over the sea and the rocky beach, over the streets with countless shops, over the bar I had red wine in, over the street corner full of whores and drug dealers, over the up-the-stairs flat, over the shiny laptop, over a sunny palm and over cocoa skin, over. I will lay on my back, on my fluffy flying duvet, with nothing but blue sky around, I will close my eyes and smile and my memory will fade away like the smoke from a cigarette. Everything will implode and crash, everything will break at every joint, everything will be tore out and burned till there's no everything left. And I'll be gone too. From each head and each street, from each place that connected to me, from each past I relate to, from the phonebook and from Earth. I'll only take my music and my duvet.
Oh, God, could it be the weather?
It's all just a time shaped candy that leaves you craving like an addict. I almost ran over an angel... Or did I?
I'll get back to my leather skirt and go running away from all the world I know. I'll run as fast as I can and no pain will catch up with me, because I will be faster, I will have a gold shield and a silver sword to fight it. And I will fly away on my duvet. It will take me over the sun and clouds, over the sea and the rocky beach, over the streets with countless shops, over the bar I had red wine in, over the street corner full of whores and drug dealers, over the up-the-stairs flat, over the shiny laptop, over a sunny palm and over cocoa skin, over. I will lay on my back, on my fluffy flying duvet, with nothing but blue sky around, I will close my eyes and smile and my memory will fade away like the smoke from a cigarette. Everything will implode and crash, everything will break at every joint, everything will be tore out and burned till there's no everything left. And I'll be gone too. From each head and each street, from each place that connected to me, from each past I relate to, from the phonebook and from Earth. I'll only take my music and my duvet.
Oh, God, could it be the weather?
It's all just a time shaped candy that leaves you craving like an addict. I almost ran over an angel... Or did I?
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Le soleil dans mes mains
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j61QsCc10c
I'm someone's darling again. And every time I think of it, a red-ish smile comes on my face. Last night made history. Again. I feel again. I can float again, and I knew I could but it just took so long! It took too long but it was a perfect timing. Again, welcome in my life Rastaman! I'm in love with you. And you can see it coming. Last night, we were hugging and he said: "At the supermarket, who would have thought?"
I answered: "Why not? Is it so unbelievable you meet people at work?"
"Yeah. I was wearing my uniform and was tired and bored. And you came."
"So what's wrong with that?"
"I wasn't looking my best"
And I laughed. "You guys never get it! It's not about the way you look, it's about the way you are!"
And it is. Some of my ex bf weren't exactly Mr.Handsome. They were actually really far from that. But if you have your way sir, you have it!
It's a plus that he's so pretty, but I think because of the way he looked at me the first time we met, I couldn't help falling. It was just the most intense flirt I've had in a while. You don't just walk away after that, unless you're an idiot!
And it proved he has a lot of potential! I tell you that, I'm dancing alone in my room thinking about him, I'm undressing thinking of him, I lick my lips with his lips in my mind, I feel his perfume on my pillow and I get high with my nose in the sheets. I fantasize about his touch and run my hands on my body the way he did it. His kisses are on me, burning. Is this even true? It's too good!
Oh, there's no place on Earth I'd rather be right now! There's nothing that I'd change in my life just because it brought me here. And I can see the whole picture now. It's a bright sunny picture and Narchotic is in love. Again. Am I crazy, or each time I do it, it gets more and more intense?
I'm someone's darling again. And every time I think of it, a red-ish smile comes on my face. Last night made history. Again. I feel again. I can float again, and I knew I could but it just took so long! It took too long but it was a perfect timing. Again, welcome in my life Rastaman! I'm in love with you. And you can see it coming. Last night, we were hugging and he said: "At the supermarket, who would have thought?"
I answered: "Why not? Is it so unbelievable you meet people at work?"
"Yeah. I was wearing my uniform and was tired and bored. And you came."
"So what's wrong with that?"
"I wasn't looking my best"
And I laughed. "You guys never get it! It's not about the way you look, it's about the way you are!"
And it is. Some of my ex bf weren't exactly Mr.Handsome. They were actually really far from that. But if you have your way sir, you have it!
It's a plus that he's so pretty, but I think because of the way he looked at me the first time we met, I couldn't help falling. It was just the most intense flirt I've had in a while. You don't just walk away after that, unless you're an idiot!
And it proved he has a lot of potential! I tell you that, I'm dancing alone in my room thinking about him, I'm undressing thinking of him, I lick my lips with his lips in my mind, I feel his perfume on my pillow and I get high with my nose in the sheets. I fantasize about his touch and run my hands on my body the way he did it. His kisses are on me, burning. Is this even true? It's too good!
Oh, there's no place on Earth I'd rather be right now! There's nothing that I'd change in my life just because it brought me here. And I can see the whole picture now. It's a bright sunny picture and Narchotic is in love. Again. Am I crazy, or each time I do it, it gets more and more intense?
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I'm A Rainbow
It seems to me the whole world has fallen with me since I've fallen for Rastaman. Yes, I'm in and I'm enjoying it so much that it becomes dangerous!
Let me tell you from the beginning. We met as I said we would. He came by my place and cooked me a delicious dinner. Tuna steak with couscous, cucumbers and bananas. I guess it's a home speciality and I guess I'll ask him to come and do it again. I loved it. And we washed the dishes together. Then we watched movies, listened to music and talked till 3 in the morning. And before we fell asleep, I asked him. It turns out he thought I wasn't that much into him and he didn't want to stress me. And it turns out he's more quiet than I thought he is, but it's just his way. In he morning, he thought I was sleeping and kissed me soft. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was his smile. He took me for breakfast and then we went to the beach to take pictures. It was sunny and windy. He held me while we were both looking at the sun. He kissed me over and over. And we'll meet again tomorrow. He likes me. When I asked him what he wants from me, he said: "I want to get to know you. You're intelligent and really beautiful, you seem to understand very good my point of view and yours is so close to mine." And he kissed my hand.
He did so many things and it's clear now that I made too many bad scenarios. It's all clear to me now.
When I got home from school, he left a comment for me. Among other things, he said, I quote: "I had a really, really good 24 hours with you!!". And changed his status.
I float. So this is it. I'm finally there and I like it. Told you he'll be here one day!
Let me tell you from the beginning. We met as I said we would. He came by my place and cooked me a delicious dinner. Tuna steak with couscous, cucumbers and bananas. I guess it's a home speciality and I guess I'll ask him to come and do it again. I loved it. And we washed the dishes together. Then we watched movies, listened to music and talked till 3 in the morning. And before we fell asleep, I asked him. It turns out he thought I wasn't that much into him and he didn't want to stress me. And it turns out he's more quiet than I thought he is, but it's just his way. In he morning, he thought I was sleeping and kissed me soft. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was his smile. He took me for breakfast and then we went to the beach to take pictures. It was sunny and windy. He held me while we were both looking at the sun. He kissed me over and over. And we'll meet again tomorrow. He likes me. When I asked him what he wants from me, he said: "I want to get to know you. You're intelligent and really beautiful, you seem to understand very good my point of view and yours is so close to mine." And he kissed my hand.
He did so many things and it's clear now that I made too many bad scenarios. It's all clear to me now.
When I got home from school, he left a comment for me. Among other things, he said, I quote: "I had a really, really good 24 hours with you!!". And changed his status.
I float. So this is it. I'm finally there and I like it. Told you he'll be here one day!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I took my coat off
I had a dream last night. A dream that made me cry in the shower. I dreamed I was happy and loved. I dreamed there was a He and he was there next to me. He made my heart tremble. He held me and I felt that nothing else mattered in the world. I was so happy in my dream and I was so in love. I was fascinated by how good it felt.
And then I woke up to a grey sky and rain. And I was melancholic. I felt that it's all so far away from me now.
And then, Rastaman texted me. And I don't know what to do. Cause I'm not sure I am doing myself good by meeting him. He seems to be a player and I know where a player gets me. I am sure I can't control and I'm sure I'll allow him to kiss me. Just because he's all that and more. And because I'm self-destructive.
I didn't answer yet. I will, and I guess it's clear by now we'll meet again. But I'll have the talk. I'll find out what he wants from me. First time to put my cards on the table.
'You took your coat off and stood in the rain. You were always crazy like that.'
And then I woke up to a grey sky and rain. And I was melancholic. I felt that it's all so far away from me now.
And then, Rastaman texted me. And I don't know what to do. Cause I'm not sure I am doing myself good by meeting him. He seems to be a player and I know where a player gets me. I am sure I can't control and I'm sure I'll allow him to kiss me. Just because he's all that and more. And because I'm self-destructive.
I didn't answer yet. I will, and I guess it's clear by now we'll meet again. But I'll have the talk. I'll find out what he wants from me. First time to put my cards on the table.
'You took your coat off and stood in the rain. You were always crazy like that.'
Friday, November 20, 2009
Alone
I'm sick. I lay on my bed, face to the ceiling, with my eyes almost closed as the yellow filtered light painfully creeps through my eyelashes. I can't feel my hands and feet anymore. My body is just a burning, trembling useless mass. I transit agony and reality slowly, loosing meaning as the time passes. I think of things, I think of people, I think of life. And all the thoughts mix in a terrifying dream that tastes like reality. The daylight is long gone. If I heavily stand up from bed, I can see scattered light behind my window. It's the city. And it's Friday night.
My lips are glued together. They hurt and break letting salty blood come through. My mouth is so dry that I could put stickers inside. I feel some kind of sword going from my stomach to the top of my head. A burning sword. My hands and feet are like paper. I breath slowly and hot. Two tears roll down my cheek while I reprove myself for using my last body water supplies. Hours creep like days and I turn slower and slower while my eyes close involuntarily.
Where are you? It's silence and dark. I remembered how mom used to massage my feet with sanitary alcohol when I had fever. I remembered how she used to bring me toasted bread and hot tea. And now, the silence and the solitude seem more striking than before. It makes me think of my whole life. I'm in another place, I'm taking care of myself (not so good apparently), I study all day, I rarely go out elsewhere than school. I made only a few friends. But they're cool. I feel guilty if I call them to ask for help, so I don't. I only called Mr.DJ, who will come anytime now. And I think of how I deny him as my lover, but how he, from all the people I know here, is giving me the most love. How he's taking care of me, how he's holding me when I'm sad how he cooks for me when I'm busy and how he did my shopping this week and didn't even want money for it. How he takes me where I want to go, how he gives me music and movies, how he's always there to answer my call. Oh, I'm so unfair. I realise he loves me and I realise he's such a great person. It makes me cry that I can't love him. I'm alone in my room. Lights dimmed, no music, nobody next to me. I'm sick. I think I'm sick of the world.
My lips are glued together. They hurt and break letting salty blood come through. My mouth is so dry that I could put stickers inside. I feel some kind of sword going from my stomach to the top of my head. A burning sword. My hands and feet are like paper. I breath slowly and hot. Two tears roll down my cheek while I reprove myself for using my last body water supplies. Hours creep like days and I turn slower and slower while my eyes close involuntarily.
Where are you? It's silence and dark. I remembered how mom used to massage my feet with sanitary alcohol when I had fever. I remembered how she used to bring me toasted bread and hot tea. And now, the silence and the solitude seem more striking than before. It makes me think of my whole life. I'm in another place, I'm taking care of myself (not so good apparently), I study all day, I rarely go out elsewhere than school. I made only a few friends. But they're cool. I feel guilty if I call them to ask for help, so I don't. I only called Mr.DJ, who will come anytime now. And I think of how I deny him as my lover, but how he, from all the people I know here, is giving me the most love. How he's taking care of me, how he's holding me when I'm sad how he cooks for me when I'm busy and how he did my shopping this week and didn't even want money for it. How he takes me where I want to go, how he gives me music and movies, how he's always there to answer my call. Oh, I'm so unfair. I realise he loves me and I realise he's such a great person. It makes me cry that I can't love him. I'm alone in my room. Lights dimmed, no music, nobody next to me. I'm sick. I think I'm sick of the world.
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